Just One Resolution

About 25 years ago, I was a disillusioned teacher.

I spent my days dealing with students who did not appear to care or appreciate anything I was bringing to the classroom, and I spent my nights dreading going to work the next day.  

For some of my instructional day, I hated the content I was teaching and I was failing miserably at it. I hated planning for it, so I just didn’t do it. The “not planning” habit flowered into other bad habits. I woke up one day thinking that I hated my job (and a lot of other things), and I had no way out of the dark that was settling in. 

The stress and strain of avoiding the work made the days go badly and pass slowly. Every student, every adult drove me crazy.

How could I have wasted college preparing for this? 

While I was physically at work, I was not being productive because my energy was being used to avoid all of it. I was unsatisfied and completely in a downward spiral that I didn’t know at the time was only beginning.

The cycle was vicious… I was emotionally drained, physically a mess, and instead of dealing with what was happening, I soothed myself with junk food, shopping, and social events to distract from the present. How could I possibly have chosen the wrong profession? If this was all there was, I didn’t think I wanted to adult anymore. And it weighed heavily on me that I didn’t feel like I had any other options.

I told myself a thousand times it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

One of my teacher friends was reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and somehow I started reading it. The central idea that change starts with me resonated with me in that time where I felt like everything was out of my control. In the midst of all the chaos and mess I was in, there was hope for me to steer myself out. But it was up to me.

What happened from there was transformational.

By focusing on myself, my needs, my wants, and broadening my view to think years ahead, I kept finding more reasons to feel empowered. I started a little journal and wrote my own mission statement. I tried to practice being proactive one day at a time. One journal entry led to other journal entries which led to tiny little changes that led to big changes.

I would like to tell you my admin team was instrumental in my growth and that my mentor saved me. They weren’t and she didn’t.

The only person who could help me was me.

If I could look back and talk to my 90s self, I would assure her that she would emerge from the funk and still be in education and actually enjoy it. I would let her know that by taking care of herself, she would be able to take care of all the other things. 

All the other things.

I would also tell her that she wasn’t a failure. The mess she made would be able to be cleaned up and she would emerge better off than she could imagine. There are many days I think about that book and how it changed the course of so many things in my life and it started with my professional life.

In my coaching work, I see many beginning teachers in schools who look very similar to my old self. You’re doing the stuff, going through the motions, but you are miserable.

So if you only make one resolution this year, make this one:

Take care of yourself. 

That can look a lot of different ways, but it has to begin with you. Not the kids, not the admin team, not the parents. Believe that in the middle of dysfunction, there are still things you can control. Some of you will leave teaching, but some of you won’t. Those of you that won’t will be stronger, wiser, and bring something to the classroom that students need: grit.  

And there are people cheering for you.

Take care of yourself.

I promise you the small changes will lead to big results. 

Alice & Hope